As a parent, discovering that your child is a bully can be a difficult
and worrying experience. Bullying can have serious consequences for both
the bully and the victim, and it s important to take action to address the
situation. In this article, we ll explore ten things you can do as a
parent to help your child stop bullying and learn how to treat others with
kindness and respect.
10 THINGS YOU CAN DO AS A PARENT IF YOUR CHILD IS A BULLY
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Have a conversation with your child and try to understand his/her
perspective of why he/she is bullying. Some children bully because
they have been bullied themselves, some children have underlying
issues (sadness/
anxiety/worries) and externalise this by bullying, etc. There can be many
reasons and having an open conversation with your child about it
will help with uncovering the underlying mechanisms of the
bullying.
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Make sure your child knows that all feelings are acceptable but not
all behaviours! And that you won’t tolerate bullying at home, at
school or anywhere else. If the bullying continues after this
conversation, there could be a need for an appropriate consequence
such as a time-out, losing privileges, toys, TV or screen time in
general, etc.
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Work on children’s empathy by asking them how they would feel when
being bullied and how their actions would make other people feel.
Role-taking games can be a good medium for this e.g. role-play where
you, as a parent, pretend to be the child and the child needs to
play the bullied child. When given that role, children often realise
more of the impact their behaviour is having on others.
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Another strategy could be to create a social story about bullying
and read it to your child. This way you enhance their understanding
of the situation and the impacts on the bullied children. You
address the topic however in an indirect way, which can lead to a
decreased defensive reaction and a higher possibility your child
will engage in a discussion about the topic.
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Help your child problem-solve how they can deal with the situation
and change their behaviour. Suggestions can be apologising to the
bullied child and teaching your child what to do in similar future
situations.
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Encourage good and pro-social behaviour by rewarding it with
positive praise and compliments, or tokens.
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Children learn through modelling so you, as a parent, can model
pro-social behaviour and set a good example. Teach your kids to
treat others with respect and kindness.
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Keep contact with the school. Inform the teachers and the principal
of the actions you take as a parent regarding the bullying and
discuss an action plan they can put forward at school.
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Ask the teacher to intervene in class and on the playground,
promote and reward pro-social behaviour, and inform children more
about bullying (e.g. addressing it in class as a subject, discussing
what actions are considered bullying and what consequences it can
have for the bullied child?).
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Talk to the parents of the bullied child/children and apologise,
show them you don’t support your child’s actions and try and problem
solve the situation together with them. Maybe the dispute between
your children can be even sorted out outside of school.
In conclusion, being a parent of a child who is a bully can be
challenging and overwhelming. However, by having an open and honest
conversation with your child, creating a safe and empathetic environment,
encouraging pro-social behaviour, involving the school, and reaching out
to the parents of the bullied child, you can make a positive impact on
your child’s behaviour and help prevent bullying from happening in the
future. Remember, bullying is not acceptable, and by taking action, you
can help create a safer and kinder world for all children.