Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or group
induces another to doubt their own mental stability, memories, or
comprehension of the world. Individuals who are subjected to gaslighting may
experience perplexity, fear, or self-doubt, making it difficult for them to
trust their own judgment.
Gaslighting is a frequently employed tactic in narcissistic and emotional
abuse. It may occur at home, with peers, or at the workplace. It is a common
pattern for one individual to consistently gaslight another, which becomes
ingrained in the dynamics of an imbalance.
Examples of gaslighting in a relationship include
1. Distracting With Compassion
As a means of deflecting their partners emotions, partners who engage in
gaslighting frequently sugarcoat toxic situations with kind platitudes.
Unfortunately, this frequently gives their partners the impression that they
are overreacting or being extreme.
Examples include:
"I love you so much, and you know I would never intentionally hurt your
feelings." or "How could you believe that I was flirting with her when you
know I love you and you are my only love?"
2. Minimizing Feelings
Abusers label their loved ones as over-sensitive, too critical, or dramatic.
When they cry or show other signs of feelings, abusers will often get mad or
make fun of them. Because of this, the partner who is emotionally influenced
often feels ashamed and may try to withhold their feelings.
3. Belittling one s achievements
Partners who emotionally manipulate (gaslight) their significant
partners often feel intimidated or envious of their partner s success. Because
of this, they often put down or question different achievements. For example,
they might say things like, "It s great that you got a promotion, but it s too
bad you re still underpaid in your role!"
4. Negating the existence of abuse
In situations of physical abuse, the person who did it might just say it didn
t happen. They might say that their partner fell, tripped, or hurt them in
some other way, or in terms of emotional abuse they can easily convince others
of their sanity. Sometimes, they can be so convincing that the target starts
to believe their story.
5. Withholding Information
Some people who gaslight their partners will try to manipulate their loved
ones thoughts by making them believe they asked them to do something even if
they never did. Then, they will become furious with their loved ones for
failing to remember. What do you mean, you didn t know? I told you not to
disturb me when I am out with my friends. This shows that you don t care
enough to listen!
Examples of Gaslighting Parents
Parents who gaslight their children frequently tell them how they should feel.
Any instances of harm will be denied or disagreed upon, and they will make a
concerted effort to appear better than they actually are. These abusive
parents frequently shame, minimize, or undervalue their child s life events.
Additionally, some abusive parents purposefully hurt their kids verbally,
physically, emotionally, or sexually.
Examples of Gaslighting parents include:
6. Labeling the Child’s Feelings
Sometimes, even when a parent has good intentions, sharing their own emotions
with their child can lead to disregarding the child s true feelings in a given
situation. This can cause children to feel unheard or unsupported, leading
them to suppress their own emotions over time because they don t think anyone
will listen or care about how they feel.
7. Dismissing the Reality
Gaslighting parents will tell outright lies about some things. For example,
they might say that they never said something or that the child is making
things up. They might act like they don t understand what the child is saying.
This can make kids question who they are and always feel unsure.
8. Questioning the Child’s Memory
Even if a parent has a different personal experience than a child, a parent
who is gaslighting the child will insist that only their version of the story
is right. Because of this, children often feel like their experiences don t
matter.
9. Blame Game
Most of the time, parents who gaslight their kids blame them for their own
mistakes. They might say that a problem wasn t their fault or that the child
was to blame in some way. If they do apologize, it s not a real apology. It s
more like, "I m sorry you were so upset."
10. Dismissing the Child’s Emotional Needs
It s fine for parents to say no to certain requests, but parents who gaslight
their kids are often cruel and mean when they do so. They might say things
like, "You re so spoiled" or "Why do you keep asking me for things?"This makes
the child feel like he or she is a burden and can make
anxiety
and
depression
worse.
Examples of Gaslighting in Friendships
Most of the time, toxic friendships feel very one-sided and unfair. This is
because friends who gaslight you are often narcissists, and they generally
make the relationship all about themselves. They don t seem to care about how
other people feel and often use their friends to meet their own wants. In
these situations, friendship isn t about being empathetic or respecting each
other. Instead, it seems like there is always a fight for power.
Examples of gaslighting friends include:
11. Manipulating friends to fight each other
Gaslighting friends like to stir up trouble and often make people fight with
each other. Most of the time, this is done out of deep jealousy. This friend
might start to rumour just to see what happens. They often want people to be
"grateful" for the truth they tell.
12. Masking indifference with concern
Friends who try to gaslight each other may play mind games by saying they care
about someone else s well-being while trying to bring that person down. The
comment often makes the person feel confused, and they start to doubt their
own truth.
13. Engaging in Habitual Gossip
Gaslighting friends thrive on gossip because it gives them a sense of being
right, being in charge, and having power. So, they often get close to people
just to "dig up dirt" on them so they can use that information later as
pressure.
14. Emotional Invalidation
Gaslighting friends might say things that make it sound like others always
exaggerate or act wrong. They might say hurtful things like, "You don t really
feel that way" or "It s not that bad; other people have it so much worse than
you!"People often feel hurt and ashamed after hearing these things.
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