The fact that you’re asking this question shows that you’ve
already taken steps to demonstrate your support! But here are some
additional support tips:
-
Don’t challenge your loved one’s gender identity! If they are
identifying with a particular gender then this
is their (not your) decision. In fact, any challenge
such as saying ‘Oh this is just a phase, you’ll grow out of
it’ or ‘Don’t be silly, you’ve never acted as a
boy/girl before’ will only go to alienate them. In addition, it
sends the message that their identity is wrong and they
are not worthy, which can contribute to the development of
anxiety, depression or other mental health difficulties.
-
Be curious about their identity development, in a similar way to how you
would be curious about any other aspects of their identity. Encourage and
engage in discussions about their thoughts, feelings and ideas about their
identified gender. Chances are they’ve thought long and hard about
this before telling you.
-
Check with them if they identify with a particular pronoun or
name and, if you should refer to them by these names and
pronouns. This type of discussion and questioning shows that you want to
support and learn more.
-
Remember that your loved one s gender does
not change them as a person. If anything, coming out
and having the support of family and friends will assist them be more
authentic during social interactions. Personality and gender expression
adapt and change over time with personal growth, life experiences and age.
Unfortunately, trans people experience mental health difficulties at a much
higher rate than the rest of society and recent research demonstrates that
this is directly related to experiences of discrimination and lack of
family/friendship support (Tilley, 2015). Therefore it is really important
to be a support and ally for your loved one.
Additional support
Many friends and family members often seek psychological services to:
- Discuss the transition,
- Talk through how they feel about the process and
- Learn ways to better support their loved one
Additionally, because trans people experience higher rates of
depression and anxiety due to discrimination, your loved one may also benefit from
speaking to a psychologist to treat any mental health difficulties. Trans
people also seek therapeutic services to:
- Discuss, explore and understand their own gender identity,
- Gain additional support during their transition and
- Develop coping strategies to manage possible discrimination.
If this sounds like something you’d benefit from, then visiting a
Therapist & Psychologist could help; particularly if the psychologist
is up-to-date on gender dysphoria, issues that the trans community face
and the process of transitioning as well as broader knowledge on gender
diversity.