Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that involves making
someone else doubt their own sanity and reality. It is a specific type of
abuse that can be used to create doubt in the other person by making them
question their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. The abuser uses lies,
false accusations, and other tactics to make the victim feel confused and
isolated.
Gaslighting is a serious issue as it can have long-term effects and a
devastating impact on the victim s mental health and well-being. It can often
lead to feelings of worthlessness,
depression,
anxiety,
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD, and even suicidal thoughts in extreme cases. Hence, it has become an
important concept to understand and recognize the signs of gaslighting to
protect yourself from this form of psychological manipulation.
Where does the word gaslighting come from?
The term was first coined in 1938 when British playwright Patrick Hamilton
wrote the play Gaslight. The play depicted a husband who attempted to drive
his wife insane by making her doubt her own perception of reality simply by
manipulating the environment around her. While this type of manipulation has
been around for centuries, it has become more widely recognized in recent
years due to increased awareness about mental health and emotional abuse.
Gaslighting is often categorized as insidious abuse meaning it is deliberate
in nature. The actions of the abuser come from a place of power and are meant
to control and manipulate the other person emotionally.
Recognizing gaslighting phrases
One of the first steps in recognizing and dealing with gaslighting is to pay
attention to the phrases used by the abuser. Below are the most commonly used
gaslighting phrases:
“You’re too sensitive”
“You’re overreacting”
“I never said that”
“You must be imagining things”
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing”
The function of these phrases is to make the victim doubt their judgment and
emotions. It can confuse the victim and question their memory and perception.
It can confuse the victim and make them cross-examine whether their feelings
are right or wrong and they also may begin to feel like they are overreacting.
Subtle Signs of Gaslighting
While it can be easier to recognize the gaslighting phrases to understand if
you are a victim. Few subtle signs of gaslighting can be that much harder to
recognize.
The subtle signs of gaslighting include the abuser isolating the victim from
their friends and family, making it easy for them to control or manipulate
them. They can make them feel guilty or ashamed, and in some cases control
their financial resources. The abuser may also attempt to control the victim’s
behavior by creating a lot of self-doubts and making them feel like they are
wrong or a bad person.
How can you respond to gaslighting?
Once you recognize the signs of gaslighting and the phrases used by the abuser
and are aware that you are being gaslit, it is important to know how to
respond.
Do not engage. It is of chief importance to avoid engaging in arguments with
the abuser. Arguing with an abuser will only make the situation worse and can
make the victim feel even more powerless.
State your boundaries without an explanation. This is regarded as the most
effective as the victim takes a step back from the situation while not
engaging with the abuser.
Keep your response short and brief. Sometimes the victim wants to engage and
put their thoughts and feelings forward. In this case, it is important to keep
your responses short, brief, and to the point.
Reach out to friends and family. Having a strong support system before and
after you confront your abuser can be very helpful and useful. Confronting the
abuser can cause a lot of distress to the victim. Hence, having someone to
talk to can help process various thoughts and feelings.
Seek professional help. Talking to a counselor or a psychotherapist may help
you feel at ease. They can also help you validate your feelings and
experiences which is necessary to get your self-confidence back. It can serve
as a reminder that the abuser does not control you anymore.
How can you protect yourself from gaslighting?
To protect yourself from gaslighting, it is crucial to be aware of the signs
and phrases that can help you recognize if you are being gaslit. It is
important to set boundaries when you feel you are being emotionally abused.
If you feel like you are being gaslit, share your feelings and concerns with
the people close to you. If you hear the gaslighting phrases, it is important
to understand whether it is deliberate in nature or is it just a defense
mechanism used by the other person in a conflicting situation.
If you’re in a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship and you feel that
you are being gaslighted, then the abuser may not want to give up the control
they have over you. In this situation, the best course of action is to
consider walking away from your partner and your relationship. Leaving a
relationship can be very difficult to implement but being safe emotionally,
physically, and mentally needs to be prioritized.
To protect yourself from gaslighters, trust your emotions, feelings, and
intuitions. You can depend on them and yourself to guide you. It is also
important to take care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating healthy, and
engaging in activities that make you feel good. Taking care of yourself is one
of the best ways to protect yourself from gaslighting.
What are the different contexts of gaslighting?
Gaslighting can happen anywhere and in any relationship. Some of the contexts
are:
- Romantic relationships
- Medical provider
- Relatives
- Workplace
- Friends
What are the techniques used by gaslighters?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline shared some of the methods that a
gaslighter could employ to influence another person as follows:
Withholding (i.e., refusing to listen or claiming not to comprehend)
Countering (when the gaslighter challenges the victim s recollection of an
incident)
Blocking/diverting When the abuser changes the topic or probes the victim s
reasoning, this is known as blocking or diverting.
Trivializing (Making the needs or feelings of the victim seem trivial or
unimportant)
Forgetting/denial (when the manipulator appears to have forgotten what
actually transpired or denies something he or she had previously committed to)
An example of gaslighting in the workplace
Gaslighting in the workplace can be categorized as a subtle form of emotional
abuse and bullying. The power dynamics may lead people to ignore certain
behaviors that can be a sign of gaslighting. The people around you may try to
justify behaviors that can cause a person distress. An example of gaslighting
in the workplace is:
A co-worker makes you uncomfortable and you talk about it with your colleagues
and boss. You also escalate it to HR and you receive the same response from
everyone - “He behaves like this with everyone, you are overreacting and
making a big deal out of it.”
An example of gaslighting in romantic relationships
Gaslighting in romantic relationships is one of the most common contexts of
gaslighting. There are many signs that you are being gaslit in your
relationship. Your partner may persistently lie to you or make you feel
insecure. Your partner may try to belittle you and put you in a position of
power. An example of romantic relationships:
You and your partner are having a discussion. You say something that your
partner disagrees with and their response is “You don t know anything; you
just have to say things that you do not know about.”
Summary
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and abuse that is becoming
more and more common in our society. It is important to recognize the signs of
gaslighting and to understand the different types of gaslighting and the
phrases used by abusers. It is important to remember that you are not
powerless and that you can take steps to protect yourself from gaslighting. If
you are in a situation where you are being gaslighted, it is important to seek
help and to remember that you have the right to be respected and treated with
dignity.
If you or someone you know is a victim of gaslighting, you can seek help by
talking to a trusted friend or family member and seeking professional help if
needed.
Online Counselling & Therapy
Get help for anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues