Marriage is a bond that two people get into after having grown in their relationship where positive emotions like love, happiness, and joy are involved. But, every relationship comes with some challenges as it involves two individuals with different personalities, needs, and wants. So, there also exist negative emotions like anger, hate, and resentment towards each other. Therefore, these factors can affect the relationship and it can get challenging making it difficult to get to a solution. Then, marriage counseling or couple counseling comes into the picture.
What is marriage counseling?
Marriage Counselling is a type of professional alliance where couples receive help from a counselor to overcome difficulties in their marriage. Difficulties can be in the form of having basic conflicts on a regular basis, arguments about sharing responsibilities, infidelity issues, etc. Sometimes, individuals may be facing problems personally that may be affecting their relationship, marriage counseling has proven to work for such issues as well.
How does marriage counseling work?
Marriage counseling includes making a collaborative therapeutic alliance between the couple and a counselor prepared in this specialized area. During sessions, couples openly share their issues while the counselor effectively listens, guaranteeing both partners have equal opportunity to express their thoughts. The counselor creates a balanced approach, assisting the couple with investigating hidden issues and working toward agreed-upon solutions. If important, the counselor might meet with each partner to address individual difficulties that could influence the relationship. This approach frequently assists people with gaining clarity about their own patterns and behaviors, encouraging self-awareness by relationship improvement.
In exploring emotionally charged moments, like anger, resentment, or feelings of hatred, the counselor utilizes evidence-based methods to de-escalate stress and pull together on the couple s common goals. By calmly guiding conversations and re-evaluating conflicts, the counselor aids the partners in reaching constructive resolutions. Their training guarantees the utilization of demonstrated strategies tailored to the couple s unique elements, offering a safe and organized environment for healing. This process fortifies the relationship as well as engages the people within it.
Reasons to seek marriage counseling
Marriage counseling can help both individuals separately as well as mutually. There can be various reasons to seek marriage counseling. People just need to understand their problem areas and the importance of marriage counseling.
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According to Dr. Prema Kohli, Marriage has four pillars. If couples find any of the pillars falling down, they must seek marriage counseling. The four pillars are-
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Communication- Communication is the key to a healthy relationship and it is very important to communicate openly or else understanding each other can be very difficult.
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Finance- Financial issues are one of the major concerns because both might have differences of opinion on this matter .
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Family- Both individuals come from two different families with different set of upbringing. This can be a major reason for adjustment between them.
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Sex and intimacy- This can include issues like lack of emotional or mental intimacy, impotency, lack of sexual pleasure, etc.
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Difficulty in sharing responsibilities can be another reason- most couples have complaints that the responsibilities are not divided properly between the two individuals and so one person feels over-burdened. This problem can be dealt with without the partners blaming each other in the counseling environment.
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There can be other reasons like bringing the past into the present relationship, comparing with other people, insecurities from either partner’s side, feeling low , always having complaints with each other, etc. All these problems can be dealt with by a marriage counselor in a safe environment which the counselor makes sure of.
Why go for marriage counseling?
Marriage counseling gives both individuals a safe environment to discuss all the issues as the counselor makes sure that everything is kept confidential and also that they can discuss everything in a healthy manner without getting into heated arguments A study was conducted in 1992 in which Dr. John Gottman s examination of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" — Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling — as key predictors of divorce. His study showed that couples who exhibit these behaviors frequently are at high risk of separation in six years. To address this, Gottman proposed solutions like encouraging appreciation, accepting responsibility, and practicing self-soothing behavior. These interventions, part of the Gottman Technique, focus on enhancing communication, emotional bond, and trust to strengthen connections and decrease marital stress.
The benefits of marriage counseling:
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It is a non-judgmental and unbiased environment, both the partner’s views are taken into consideration before coming to any conclusion.
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The counselor acts as the mediator which plays an important role as when two individuals are involved there can be differences of opinion which may require a mediating force.
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It helps the individuals to deal with their own issues or behaviors which might be a contributing factor in the conflicts.
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Counseling helps to improve communication by providing better communication tools in which the counselor is trained.
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It also helps individuals take their own responsibility if they know they are wrong in any situation.
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It helps in setting realistic goals as there may be instances where individuals must have expectations from each other which gets overlooked in real-life situations.
There is also a therapy called pre-marital counseling which can help individuals to understand the difficulties they might face after they get into a bond of marriage. It is advised to those couples who are about to get into marriage so that it helps them understand themselves and thei relationship better. Premarital counseling has been demonstrated to fundamentally diminish the probability of divorce and improve long term relationship stability. By resolving major issues like communication, conflict resolution, financial issues, and future objectives, it assists couples to establish a strong foundation before marriage. A meta-analytic review by Carroll and Doherty (2003) analyzed numerous studies on premarital counseling outcomes and found that couples who participated were better prepared to explore marital difficulties, leading to enhanced relationship fulfillment and decreased separation rates.
Which type of couple can seek marriage counseling?
Any couple can look for marriage counseling, including newlyweds developing a strong foundation, engaged couples planning for marriage, long-term couples addressing communication or intimacy problems, and those in crises managing infidelity or important issues. It s also effective for blended families exploring new dynamics, couples confronting life transitions like being a parent or retirement, same-sex or non-traditional couples dealing with unique difficulties, and those experiencing external stressors, such as, financial or health concerns. Even couples in healthy connections can seek counseling to reinforce their bond and ensure long term fulfillment.
A study was conducted in 1999 in which Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), made by Dr. Sue Johnson, outlines a therapeutic approach grounded in attachment theory, focusing on the role of secure emotional connection in healthy relationships. EFT targets patterns of disengagement and negative cycles in distressed connections, assisting couples with rebuilding trust and emotional bond. Research has demonstrated its effectiveness, with success rates of around 70% among couples experiencing major relational distress. EFT was demonstrated to produce significant long-term effects, remembering significant enhancements for emotional relations and less conflict. The review featured the treatment s organized three-stage process: recognizing and de-escalating negative interaction stages, encouraging emotional commitment, and uniting new social dynamics, making EFT one of the most empirically approved approaches in couples counseling.
Summary
Marriage counseling is a therapeutic alliance between the counselor and the couple who is seeking therapy. It is the therapy in which couples are counseled regarding the issues they are facing in their relationship. There can be many problems between two individuals, like difference of opinion, financial matters, issues regarding the family, kids, personality issues, insecurities, etc. It is mostly advised to go for the therapy in the initial times without letting the concerns exaggerate. There are trained professionals available for help throughout each stage . The only step that needs to be taken is to reach out.