"You, yourself, as much as anyone else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."–Buddha Self-blame is an undeserved blame, where you feel that you should have done something differently in the past or that something is inherently wrong with you. Guilt refers to a feeling of worry or unhappiness that you have because you have done something wrong, such as causing harm to another person. Parents play a unique role in the lives of their children. They serve as a child s carers and, in the end, make all critical decisions for the child s growth. Being a parent entails a great responsibility, and that responsibility can sometimes come with feelings of shame and guilt. This is especially true when parents are concerned that they have made mistakes regarding their child. There is often concern that these mistakes will have a long-term negative impact on the child s functioning. As parents of a child with special needs,you have to face many challenges. It is often difficult for parents to cope with the demands of raising a child with special needs. You end up feeling guilt, grief, exhaustion, and vulnerability. You have to face judgments about being a bad parent, about not doing enough. It becomes hard for parents to find support in relationships because of the existing stigma around the disorders. Special needs parents fight many battles at the same: one with themselves to accept the child as they are, another one with the community who looks at the child in a stereotypical way. Parents with children who have Autism, ADHD, Learning disabilities, Cerebral Palsy, Physical disabilities often experience great amounts of stress. Parents of children with special needs are more at risk for feelings of overwhelming guilt than others. Often parents of children with special needs have important decisions to make and the stakes can feel very high. The pressure to make the “right decisions” at this time can increase levels of personal responsibility when any decisions are questioned. As a result, guilt and self-doubt can be extremely high for this group. "As special needs parents, though you don t have the power to make life fair , you have the power to make life joyful" Difficult feelings of guilt and self- blame may surface in a variety of ways and can be caused due to varied reasons. 1.Feeling guilty that you aren t doing enough. Yes, you may constantly feel as if you could be accomplishing more. Whether it s research into our child s illness, new therapies, special diets, or doctor s appointments. In fact, the list goes on and on. In simple terms, you may believe it is your responsibility to do more of everything, but there is never enough time.. 2.You may feel guilty about doing too much. Yes, you will feel guilty. It s easy to get caught up in feelings of guilt. You may wonder if you should take a break and just let your child be a child. It s perfectly normal to feel guilty . Because you will most likely push yourself and your child too hard at first. It s all about finding the right balance. 3.You can feel guilty and blame yourself for causing your child’s disability. When it comes to being a parent of a special needs, parents constantly wonder and worry did we did something that caused this to happen. Was it our fault? They always wonder “what if”, was it something during the pregnancy or delivery? You may never know how this happened. If you get caught up in this type of guilt you can become our own worst enemy. 4.You feel guilty because siblings don’t get as much attention. You may feel guilty that you are not able to make time for your other children. You may feel that you are not attending to their needs. 5.You can feel guilty for the decisions we’ve made or have to make in the future. You ll be remorseful for each and every decision you make along the way. Should you try a different method of treatment? Should you forego that procedure in favor of another? Should you keep an eye on them to see how they develop? You could spend an eternity tying yourself up in knots over the "shoulds" and "what ifs." 6.You feel guilty for the way we’ve treated our spouse or partner. It is extremely difficult to become a parent. Your entire sense of self shifts, and you must adjust to being responsible for someone else. Your relationship will have to change as well. When we neglect our relationship and our partner, we can feel very guilty. Having a disabled child can make us feel guilty about the financial strain it causes.. 7.You feel guilty for being a bad friend or family member. You have so much on your plate that friends and family can be cut out of our lives at times, or so we think. It s not that we don t want to talk to them or meet up with them. Making time in the day for everything we need to do becomes increasingly difficult. It may be beneficial to make this clear to our friends and family. 8.You may sometimes feel guilty about taking a break or putting self-care first. It is essential to make time for yourself and relax. But for some parents this comes with the guilt that they are not caring for the child during that period. 9.You can feel guilty about needing help to care for our child. Simply put, you require assistance, and you may always require help. It s not good for your child if you try to be everything to everyone in the family. This feeds into our "not good enough" mentality, and we need to let it go and move on. Requesting assistance is not a sign of poor parenting, and your child will not be taken from you. This program can help you overcome feelings of guilt and self-blame. We believe that such strong negative feelings hamper both your health as well as your relationship with people around you.
Frequently Asked Questions
You can reach out to a mental health professional to learn effective strategies and coping skills to deal with feelings of guilt and compassion for yourself.
Talk therapy, Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), Humanistic and existential therapy enables individuals to recognize unfavorable emotions, behaviours, and thoughts and substitute them with more constructive ones.
Psychotherapy helps to identify maladaptive patterns of thoughts and attempts to replace them with healthy ones which prevent disturbing thoughts from occurring.
It differs from individual to individual. However, holding onto your guilt indefinitely can only lead to future problems. Move past the error while keeping the mistake in mind long enough to learn from it.
Trauma Informed therapy and cognitive behaviour therapy has found to be effective in dealing with thoughts and feelings associated with guilt.
A therapist or counsellor can help in assessing and processing through feelings of guilt, exposing any regret that is exaggerated in regard to the mistake, and aiding the person in dealing with the guilt in a healthy way.
Self-love can be developed by incorporating a healthy behaviours which involve not comparing yourself with others, modifying your negative self-talk, practicing self-compassion, and assertiveness.
The social and emotional signs of guilt are frequently concealed in your routine behaviours. Increased body temperature, sweating, sleep issues, digestive issues, and muscle stress are a few of the bodily signs of guilt.